Tread lightly

   I have always felt drawn to different aspects of paganism. Even when I was a devout member of the church, going 3 times a week, reading my bible every day, I still felt drawn to this magickal world. A world where I could control the outcome. A world where I was in charge of what happened and the Goddess and God were truly my friend. -Not to say I never felt the 'holy spirit', I felt joyous in gatherings when emotions were running high and everyone was praising the Christian God. I was often a feature worship dancer in the choir's cantata's. I was a leader in my youth group. I led children's church and planned mission trips.
    How is it that I left? Simple-people. At this point you may be saying how could people cause you to lose faith? How could you turn your back on God over a person?
    Everywhere I looked was hollow. The words spoke in the pulpit were filled with hate and misunderstanding of the true souls of mankind. People who Amen'd when guest pastors recalled how a teacher could be fired for being gay 'in his day'. How could I believe in the same deity that these people used to justify their hatred? I decided to take a break from my home church, visit some others, and go back when I felt like I was ready. By the time I went back though they had disowned me. Instead of welcoming me back and saying they missed me, they turned their back and dubbed me a sinner. Every church I found was the same way. So I started a journey, one that I have not yet finished,to find the deity that spoke to my soul.
     What I discovered is that all deity is the same. They are simple reincarnations of the same great being. At the heart of all teaching the commandment is clear-love. Be love and have love.
     However, magick is not acceptable by the Christian church. So where do I fit in? Longing to belong to a church, because in Appalachia that's just what you do. Especially if you're young and married. Longing to be apart of a group with the same religious faith and beliefs, but not willing to part with my Goddess. This is where I am in life. I am drawn to the same faith that would seek to burn me or hang me if they had the chance, all because of societal norms and conformity.

All I know for sure, is that all paths lead to the same place. Walk your path ever so gently and recognize that some have a more tumultuous journey than others. Be love and have love.