My faith has taught me that everyone must live every lesson the God's have for them before they are allowed to rejoin them. To me this extends to every child being born into a variety of lifestyles, and even further so as to say that souls will sometimes choose their parents.
Being over a year into my ttc journey I'm left to wonder-why is it that no soul has chosen me? Do they believe I have no wisdom to help them complete this incarnations tasks? Or is it that the Goddess wishes I serve Her in other ways? I cannot help but become bitter about my situation. Try as I may, my resentment grows more everyday. Sometimes I'll have moments where I think to myself Perhaps it is better that I have no children but this is just a fable attempt at self consoling.
I do not dare to perform any fertility magick as of yet, because I am so very concerned that the Goddess has some other plan for me. It is very difficult. I mourn for this child that I have never met, each month my sorrow intensifying.
I have conceived a child before with my ex. It was a drunken conception and an ectopic one. (My tube was saved.) Could it be that that was my one chance for motherhood? I don't want to believe that, and I can't believe it. The Great Mother Goddess has a plan for my husband and I, I must give Her my trust.
